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9th-Jun-2009 09:00 pm - work
Oh wow, I knew this whole journal thing wouldn't work out because I would be too lazy to keep up with it... HOWEVER, today I have special reasons for updating! 
Today at work (in Augustine Lab), for the very first time in my life, I got to dissect the neonatal mice brain to dissociate the hippocampus! I know it's not a big deal at all, and it's only the first step in doing tissue cultures, but I was still wonderfully surprised when Liqing told me that she would teach me how to do it. Even Andrea, the new grad student in the lab, just learned how to do it! This was so exciting! It was the first time I got to dissect out a brain for the lab setting instead of a classroom. I still have a little bit of trouble finding the hippocampus, but hey, I'm just glad I got to learn how to do it! The neonatal mouse brain is so little that it really takes steady hands to really separate everything right... I accidentally turned one of the hemispheres of the cortex into mush, but luckily I managed to somehow get a crude, large thing of hippocampus out. It was so much fun! I hope I'll get to learn more here, and one day I know I'll be doing this like a a pro! Now I feel kinda bad for wanting to leave this lab for a research job... they've taught me so much and I don't want to just leave them... maybe I can full a superwoman and work 2 jobs with 5 classes and volunteering at the hospital next semester? 
20th-Nov-2008 12:56 pm - lab!
I made my first Agar plates today!! Ok, so even though I'm still a lowly little work study student at the Augustine lab, I'm still so happy I got to do some real lab-like stuff! So far I've just been washing beakers, ordering stuff online, cataloging things, doing secretary stuff. But today I got to do real lab stuff! yay!
19th-Nov-2008 12:44 am - Here we go again
So I'm finally done with a presentation and a test, and I have 3 more papers to go! I've been so busy that I haven't had much time to reflect/post lately. I'm making the time to post today though, because like the first few times I posted, I finally got the results from my other Orgo exam today. I must say that I'm more disappointed in myself than ever. Obviously I did really bad again, but this time I feel more numbness than anything else. I think I'm too tired to feel anything otherwise. So it's still the same old... not doing as well as I would like in school, being lonely and needing a friend, you know, nothing changed much. I think I'm growing from it though... I believe that God has a plan for me, and that He's teaching me everyday. I want to come away from this a much stronger and better person! I'm not quiet as distraught as before. I just wish I would stop procrastinating! 

I still haven't had my period... it's been over a month, and this stupid hormone thing is really annoying me. I hate how my body won't function right unless I take birth control pills, and since I'm off of them right now, my body just doesn't behave right. The pills wreak havoc with my body though, and I hate them. I wish I knew how to fix my body so it could produce the right hormones again.

Anyway, an interesting update is that I finally got myself a 5-hole pendant alto ocarina! I just got it a few days ago, and I love it! Even though I got a fair cheap one (Songbird Ocarina) and it isn't as well tuned as other instruments, I'm still having lots of fun with it! I even figured out how to play a song on it all on my own. I know I'm going to enjoy it a lot! Alright, gotta get back to work. I'll definitely try to post more over the upcoming breaks!

Now playing: Rush of Fools - Undo (Single Version)
via FoxyTunes   
2nd-Nov-2008 10:26 pm - oh no
Even though I promise myself over and over again that I will not put my work off until the deadlines, it always end up happening. I had so much free time this weekend and I did NOTHING productive! I was basically online looking up dramas and music the entire time. I am such a dork! ^_^ But no, seriously, I got nothing done. This will probably mean that I will work my butt off the next 2 weeks, which I'm not looking forward to at all! I just wish I had more self control.

I also found out that my dad's company cut their pension plans, which means now daddy has no retirement money at all. They canceled all of it! I should help them save money... I've got to stop with this pen-obsessing and stop buying stuff online. I just hope everything works out for my family.

I also finished reading Pauline Chen's book. It really made me think about what it will be like as a doctor, and how I would need to face death and overcome all my fears, while retaining my humanistic side at the same time. It will be no easy task for sure; I know I will have to be strong and face a lot of grief. I just hope at the end of the day, I will not become those jaded doctors who stop seeing their patients as mere tasks that they need to do; I want to care for them and offer them compassion, especially at the end of their lives. I want to be strong for them and for myself. I want to help them! Even if I can't save their lives, I want to make them comfortable and not suffer at the end. I will try hard! 

Now playing: 楊丞琳 Rainie Yang - 只想爱你
via FoxyTunes    

26th-Oct-2008 08:39 pm - Stress!
STRESSSSSSSSSS! Ah, that felt good to let out. So I'm still trying to revise my paper... let's just hope that after everything I delete, I'll still have 3 pages left! I really just hope I can squeeze a few words out of me! 

But that's not what the stress is about. Nope, even though writing papers is a stressful act. What stresses me is class registration and picking the right classes!! I have no idea what to do right now! So I have 4 choices: take orgo with a good professor, but also math 103 at the same time (<=death!!), take orgo with a bad professor and take Bio 26, take orgo with the good professor and try to find a random easy class to fill in, or just completely forget orgo until next year and take math 103 and bio 26. It seems like no matter what I do I'll die from the work, it's just a matter of which one is the least painful... what to do????? So confused! I'll get ot to talk to my advisor on Wednesday, and hopefully he can help me sort things out. ::sigh:: I'm so worn out right now from this!  T_T
25th-Oct-2008 11:38 pm - paper
Have I ever mentioned that I HATE writing academic papers?? 

I have to offically declare that my teachers are crazy. I have to write 2 12-page essays and a 5 page essay within the next 4 weeks!! I think I want to jump off a cliff now. Ok so maybe not so drastic, but still. I already have to write 2 short reports, a lab write-up, and revise basically my entire Writing 20 major essay this weekend (i.e. tomorrow). I think my life revolves around papers this semester, which sucks because I hate writing for class! And I've never written a 12-page paper before, except for my research paper last year, which doesn't even count because it was mostly graphs anyway. It's not the same type of writing as the research papers for FOCUS! I really enjoyed my FOCUS classes so far, but now I think I will hold a grudge against them. Yes, I'm that petty.

The worst part is that I've been working all day today too. Poo.
24th-Oct-2008 05:20 pm - Another try at this writing stuff
Despite my laziness in the last 2 days, I'm in a considerably good mood! I feel like taking up writing again, probably because I've been reading books and fictionpress.com again (while ignoring all my homework)! While all my past efforts at getting something coherent on paper have been in vain, I refuse to be discouraged from writing. I do realize, however, that some of my past ideas have been way too cliche and unrealistic. I am juggling a few ideas around, and hopefully I'll get something done eventually! Sometimes I think I'm more in love with the idea of writing than actually writing the story itself; I've somehow romanticized the whole experience so much that I want every little logistical detail to be perfect, and that's delaying my writing more than anything else! For example, I was hopelessly conflicted about in what medium I should write my story. I have set up documents in Word and also bought a journal, but I can't decide whether it would be easier to write this on the computer or by hand. While the computer is great for editing and looking up relevant background information, the good old pen and paper is a lot more portable and less heavy. Either way, I think I'm almost ready to start! Another problem with me though, is that whatever little inspiration I can squeeze out of myself never stay with me that long, and words play quickly through my mind, then it's gone. I can't even type fast enough to keep up with my brain sometimes, and that perfect phrase that has eluded for so long can appear for a few seconds, then disappear before I even get down the first few words. As a results of this, I always end up starting a sentence or a chapter, but never manage to finish it! The same is with my drawing sometimes; I'm almost afraid to revise. Once I get into a fervor to write or to draw I won't stop, but once I stop I usually can't bring myself to start it/revise it again, lest I destroy something that was already relatively good. Problem is, no matter how good the beginning may be, it'll never amount to anything if I never finish it! I'm always left in this ironic situation, and it's frustrating. Now I'm left with random journals full of half finished sketches and ideas.

Oh dear, I've blabbed too much again! I just let my mind take me everywhere in half understandable sentences! The point is, I WILL somehow write my story one day; I enjoy reading way too much for me to not to attempt something of my own. Being a hopeless romantic doesn't help either; I'm always nagged by these little ideas that pop in to my head that would make for a great story, if only there was someone to tell it! So, even though I've been saying the same thing for the last 5 years, I really am sincere in saying that I want to continue and create something that's completely my own! 

On a side note, I love jetpens.com!!! I think if not for my nearly nonexistent budget as a college Freshman, I probably would have spent way too much money there. So recently I found out about this pen: https://www.jetpens.com/product_info.php/products_id/2256 and I really want to try it! I have the Pilot Hi-Tec-C 0.4mm right now, but for some reason the ink has stopped flowing on normal paper and only comes out smoothly on paper towels... hmm, I might have to look into that. I also have a set of 10 colored Pentel Slicci pens, and they work pretty well too. I think I will have to get more soon, because I use them so much that they run out so fast!! I just hope I'll get my paychecks soon after I start working!  

(I just noticed that I use wayyyy too many exclamation marks sometimes... makes me sound too overly energetic T_T Need to work on that writing style of mine!)

Now playing: Jay Chou 周杰倫 - 時光機
via FoxyTunes   

23rd-Oct-2008 12:53 pm - Let's hope I don't regret this
I finally got my job situation squared away with Evette today! I'm extremely exited that I'll be able to work from now on; I will start next Tuesday afternoon! I really hope that this will be a good experience, and even though I don't have a research job yet, this will help me to get started on that path! 
I also started reading the Pauline Chen book, Final Exam today. Even though I've only read 20 pages of it, it has been amazing so far. I really goes into how doctors don't know how to deal with death and terminally ill patients, and gives a great account of her own experience in medical school, then in practice as a surgeon. I can't wait to read more of it!
21st-Oct-2008 01:28 am - And so it begins...
I've finally decided to actually write in my LJ account! After denying it for so long, I've decided that there might be benefits to doing this after all. Let's see if I can keep this up! Well, there goes my need for my newly bought journal, which STILL hasn't been delivered...

Now playing: Coldplay - Viva la Vida
via FoxyTunes    
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